There are many times I have asked God to shield me…hear me… see me… Can I tell you He has been faithful? There have been many times that He has- even when I didn’t see it, when I didn’t feel it, yet in hindsight, I can always look back to the provisions He has made for me and my family.
Sometimes life feels too messy to be untangled. In the midst of every mess, He has had a message. Every. Single. Time. I may not feel like storms are for my ultimate growth, but they are. I can choose to be bitter because of circumstances or I can choose to be better. In the midst of every trial, It is up to me and me alone to choose. No one is responsible for what I choose but how I choose will effect those around me and that can be heavy at times.
Bridges will burn at times so you have no place to go but forward, it’s just life. Nothing stays the same for long. If we stay the same, we will never grow. Life provides opportunities to grow, move forward and learn from every experience. My prayer is that I learn to become better, and leave the bitter behind.
If you know me, you know my joy is in music. No matter where I have ever served, music has always been a huge part of that. It is my joy. Where there is song, I am happier than a bird with a french fry. (true story) I can also be honest and tell you that it has also been some of the deepest hurts in my Christian walk. The enemy is aware of this… I believe it is why this is the area that I am often hurt the most. If the enemy can steal your song.. he can damage your walk and attempt to silence your instrument. Maybe for you that is your talent, your testimony, teaching or another gift He has given you. Your gift is your Praise offering. Yours – and yours alone. It’s okay if they are different than anyone else, for me, it has been music/song.
Several years ago, the enemy had stolen my song. It was silenced for a few years. I felt bitter and I “told” God I would never sing another note, play another note, because so many times it just ended in hurt, sometimes I was the cause, sometimes I was the recipient. I’m being honest here. Can I also say here – Don’t tell God what you won’t do, because He will remind you that you are not your own. We are his handiwork, made to praise and give him honor.
I stuck to “my” plan. When I was encouraged to join a choir… I quickly declined. Not me, nope, not happening. I no longer had any desire to use my gift.
It took about 6 months of sitting in my seat. I was content. I was like a sponge soaking up the music, the Word, the fellowship. I needed to be fed, and I mostly, needed to heal. God is funny like that.. He gives us some grace to try and do things our way, then He will gently lead us to walk beside Him, not in front of Him – walking our own path. I remember the very moment the choir sang “Thou Oh Lord” like it was yesterday. The tears began to fall and He whispered in my spirit…. I have been your shield, I have lifted your head, and now.. today – I have restored the song in your heart, You will sing for my Glory again.” I can tell you that January could not come soon enough when new choir members were being sought. When God restores, He does all things well. It has been the most joyous four years in my Christian walk. Not only did he restore my song, He gave me Godly friends, I grew in my faith and have made lifelong friends. (just as I have made lifelong friends anywhere I have ever attended and served) when I think of my season in choir? It’s all to Gods glory. He has been faithful to me! I have also learned that “no matter what, may come my way – my life is in His hands. (one of our choir songs) His hands are the only place I desire to be. He has me, and my family. This has been a season of Joy and I am just beyond thankful. It has also shown me that seasons change, I don’t know what my next season looks like, but I am confident that whatever He has for me, it is good. Whatever He has for you, will be good too! He is a good Father.
I have written about a past season… but I am also writing to tell you that today.. even today… He has never failed me. He has no plans to fail me.
For the past month, the only scripture that has been on my mind is Psalm 3. Okay, maybe I thought it was just because it was one of my favorite song lyrics? Although, deep down – I knew it was something more. There have been circumstances surrounding me that have been out of my control. (I like control) -times when I wanted to defend myself, explain my decisions and make sure that people knew my heart… who I am. Every single time I thought I would voice it? I couldn’t, and I wouldn’t. All I heard was… “Thou Oh Lord, are a shield for me, my glory and the lifter of my head” – Can I tell you that God is my defender. God will reveal your heart without you speaking a word. God will send confirmation. I found myself sitting in silence at my mother in laws funeral service and by no accident the Pastor spoke on Psalm 3. (I will also mention here that He didn’t know anything about me, had never met me…) Even in a season of grief, He confirmed that He alone is my shield. Our shield. I will not fear what man can do. I called out to the Lord and He answered me- literally ringing out of the Hills (Mountains!!!!!)
In every season, He has been faithful. Every. Single. One. Whether it has been a dry season without a song, mourning loved ones, or when people just don’t care enough to be kind. He is my joy and my song, my comforter and my deliverer. He will always be enough. I am beyond grateful.
Whatever season you find yourself in? No matter the storm.. Seek Him, ~”wait and wade” through the mess, see what is to be kept, and what is to be tossed. Only when the flood waters recede, can you see the clear path you are to take. (thanks cousin Mary for that analogy) I’ve got my waders on…. God has me, in all of my seasons.
Thank you God for your Word!
1 Lord, how many are my foes!
How many rise up against me!
2 Many are saying of me,
“God will not deliver him.”[b]
3 But you, Lord, are a shield around me,
my glory, the One who lifts my head high.
4 I call out to the Lord,
and he answers me from his holy mountain.
5 I lie down and sleep;
I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.
6 I will not fear though tens of thousands
assail me on every side.
7 Arise, Lord!
Deliver me, my God!
Strike all my enemies on the jaw;
break the teeth of the wicked.
8 From the Lord comes deliverance.
May your blessing be on your people.