Hope

Standard

Golden

Hope: The feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best. –

The air was cooler than forecasted and the sky was overcast but I held onto “hope” that tomorrow would be a better day. For the moment, I am content to watch the sunset cast hues of gold across its path. The fields catch a glimpse of Heaven before the shadows fall across the ground, another day comes to a close. There will be another tomorrow, another sunrise that brings the light of a new day – new hope.

sun

Sure enough, the sun shines and I am given yet another gift….hope (Hatikvah) for the journey of today, for now, it is enough to take each day for what it is – the gift of the present. It is early with anticipations and hope for good. I can already see it on the horizon…..sunny blue skies with pillowy white clouds. A grand appearance by the sun lessons my memory of the cold winds from the day before. Hope renews… a constant reminder that as long as I look for it, I am capable of finding it in each new day.

Your “better day” may have nothing to do with the weather, it may have everything to do with another chance to love more, forgive more, or embrace more. We are all “doing life” in seasons, regardless. I have today to choose how I plan to use it, and although circumstance may sometimes alter my plan? I know that no matter what it holds, hope will be there in the midst of it all, waiting for a chance to rise. Wait for it…..look for it. and while you are waiting? strive to be content with the present, making the most of the good parts no matter how small.

blossom

Here is to today……a gift. Blue skies with bursts of color, may it soften the gray areas in our little corner of the world. Hope is there too.. abundant enough for us to share!

Philippians 4:12

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

 

 

 

I’ll See You Later

Standard

Mom

I’ll See You Later………….

The years have come and they have gone

Your work down here is done

No one can ever take your place

You’ll be missed for days to come

Death, it seems so final

But a joyful thought remains

I’ll not have to say goodbye

For we’ll meet again someday

 

I’m not saying goodbye

But I’ll see you later

For on Heaven’s shore

I’ll see your face once more

We’ll embrace again

And I’ll feel your arms around me

So I’ll see you later

And we don’t have long to wait

 

Wished there was more time to spend with you

Our days have been so few

There’s just not enough hours in a day

So swiftly they are through

I wouldn’t call you back even if I could

For when the Lord ascends

We’ll have plenty of time to spend together

For time will never end.

 

Wrapped Around My Finger

Standard

daddyandme

I was small – A five-pound baby girl, born too early in an era that was not equipped to offer promises to parents of premature infants. Although he had hoped for a son, he would not deny the fact that regardless of my tiny hands, they were still big enough to wrap him around my fingers. My parents were told there was little chance that I would make it more than weeks, but eventually I was sent home with a grim prognosis.

My parents were only 20 years old, not really prepared for the care that I would require. They were the ones that literally stayed awake to make sure I was still breathing. Daddy made a habit of poking and prodding me if I slept too long. My mother just didn’t sleep except for exhaustion.

For the first year of my life, my mother said that he never referred to me by my name, I was his baby girl. That’s all he called me forever. He was very protective of me and made it clear that I was the boss. His friends were probably tired of being asked if they had seen “his baby girl” I had him wrapped around my finger from day one.

It was true that he had wanted a son. He held to that request until the end, but he would have to wait for a boy. He would, for now, have to settle for dolls and tea parties, and unfortunately for him, my imaginary friend that drove him crazy. I think he ended up sitting on him one day, and that was the end of that. I cried, and he brought home a dog. Yes, he was wrapped by the curly-headed new gal in his life.

He was a carpenter so I benefited from all sorts of cool toys, furniture, etc, a handcrafted toy box. It was large enough for him to hide inside just to make me giggle. He was so much fun, I realize now how much of a kid he still was, they both were young parents. There were many trips to the Chesapeake Bay for crabbing and fishing as a child. The entire family would have a cookout and stay up really late. I can still hear the lapping of the water and guitars and singing. The crab boils were not bad either.

I would have 5 years with my parents being together as a married couple, and only 10 having him in my life. A short span of time when I think of it now, but the memories seem like more. Maybe because we tried to make the most of every visit. I don’t recall him ever being harsh or angry with me about anything, only being silly and having fun. One time he did catch me playing with some matches and he immediately told me to put them away. (I had made a pattern in the sand and was going to light them all at one time) I remember tears welled up in my eyes because it was the only time I can remember him having to correct me about anything. I never wanted to disappoint him.

Only as an adult have I realized how difficult it had to be for him. He missed out on a lot of goodnight hugs and little things in my every day. I can remember how tight he would hug me when it was time to go back home..I can also recall that he hugged me and my brother for what seemed like a very long time. Now I understand. He had to make it last. He always wanted more time.

I am fortunate in my memories, blessed to have them. Although they may be a little blurred in detail at times, I have never doubted how much he loved me and how much he would have preferred things to be different. I’m sure most children from divorced parents would always wish for some kind of “different.”

He would always give me things to take home after a visit. One visit it was a set of deer horns from hunting, a trinket from the country store, a new coloring book and crayons, but I always left with something. I never left without him saying “You know how much I love you, right?” the words still break my heart to this day. I still had my Daddy wrapped around my finger.. just as all little girls should.

We were not afforded more time, only left with memories. No childs’ last memory of Daddy should be a funeral service, at least not for a 10-year-old little girl. He would never teach me how to drive his old green truck, or show off pictures of me in a prom dress. He would not be there to give me away at my wedding or live long enough to be a grandparent.

I have never blamed him harshly for his choices. As an adult I know that in life there are consequences to our choices. Some are choices in the beginning, but lead to something that spiral out of your control. I witnessed this as a small child, my Daddy was an alcoholic at a very young age, and died at the age of 30 in an automobile accident as a result. Children can’t process this at 10, but as an adult, it has been a journey of understanding, loving beyond circumstances, and being compassionate in spite of the different scary monsters that people face everyday. I knew enough about him to know that he battled and regretted his choices. It has always been enough for me, regardless.

I don’t know how different my life would be if he were still here? I don’t know what kind of struggles we would have faced or what victories we would have celebrated together, but I do know he would still be wrapped around my finger, I would make sure of it.

Don’t let choices and circumstances be your downfall, let them be your reason for extending grace to someone on their own journey, use life to make you better, not bitter. Learn from those you love, and those that love you. And girls, keep those daddy’s wrapped as tight as possible, I happen to think they depend on it more than we realize.

I Wonder Why?

Standard

questionmark

Do you ever have a day filled with “I wonder whys?” I do.. sometimes on a daily basis. So today, instead of my normal blog.. I thought it would be fun to list some of the crazy things I wonder about. After all, it is Fun Friday.

I wonder why…….

If I bring home take out food, I am greeted at the door. However, if it is groceries? no one hears me struggling to open the door?

No one visits when my house if it is really clean.

I cannot scream. (those of you that have heard it..well..you know)

Why does only one of my socks come off during the night?

If the news is on? it is on volume 22…if it is something I am watching…5 and I am reading lips.. and trying to carry on 2 conversations at one time.

Alien vs. Predator is on every day.

I like to smell gasoline

I frequently leave the house with an article of clothing turned inside out…yet no one notices until the END of the day.

The cars’ gas tank is never full when I am in a hurry

A thimble sized amount of milk is always left in my refrigerator.

I burn bread/toast/bagels almost every 1st attempt.

Mondays are the longest days of the week.. unless I am at the beach.

I can’t tolerate cabinet doors left open.

I am the mean person if/when I decide to be assertive.

My mother would not eat with a “bent” fork or eat a meal with a “salad” fork.

I can’t stand the sound of utensils scraping a plate.

I can hear my husband crunching his spoon into his cereal every morning.. when I don’t hear the alarm clock.

Why do I have to see every sunset..every evening?

They always leave their shoes in front of the doorway. (they do know I am a gravity tester, right?)

Why did I get all of the short genes. – t-rex arms

Why do I wonder why so much?

Why is the moon out in the daytime?

Why did they come up with Jane/John Doe? Why Doe?

Why do I remember the phrase “John Henry HoeHandle?”

If “Mother knows best” is true? Why do I question every decision I make? maybe it only meant your own mother.

I can’t remember second grade.

Wal-Mart never has enough cashiers.

My laptop battery is always dead after anyone else uses it.

It rains on days I need to do errands.

Why? Why? Why? do I wonder why? LOL

I am thankful to still have my mind to wonder why…….I plan to use it while it lasts.

Keep Looking Up

Standard

Dreary weather plagued the previous week, I began to feel like a drowning soul with no sun and warmth on my skin. The rainy days passed and once again, the sun returned. Why do I doubt that they will return? As sure as the night falls, the morning rises for yet another day. Yet, I doubt during the storms and I doubt against the cold wind that blows during my day. I’m working on it-the ability to feel the sun even before it rises. Unfortunately, I am visual.

Living the words that I know require more of me than hearing them or reading them…

2 Corinthians 5:7 

For we live by faith, not by sight.

I know what the sun feels like on my skin. I know how it feels to have the breeze from the ocean whispering into my soul -The place where I feel small, but a part of something larger than any of my rainy days. I know the peace that passes all understanding, I have felt it, embraced it.

I can never fully experience joy, unless I have experienced the opposite. The rainbows of this life only come after the storms have passed. A promise of a better day ahead, lies on the horizon. Yet in my times of doubt I still know that I must keep looking up, instead of watching my feet take the steps. Unknown paths, places I prefer not to walk. If I refuse to keep placing one foot in front of the other? I stay in the storm, stand in the rain. I know me well enough to know I can’t stay here.

Psalm 59:16 But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble.

I know that Spring follows Winter –  regardless, just as much as I know I can’t dismiss having joy without sorrow. I’ll wrap my arms around the joy and I’ll struggle through the sorrows. I’ll battle in between the parts that I can change, and that which I cannot. I will waiver at times, I already know this because I am human like you.. but as long as I continue to look up? I will eventually see the sunrise, the promise that lies in the moon and stars. Grace will lead the way (it’s NEW every morning!) and there will be provisions for this journey.
Here’s to looking up and moving forward…

Lamentations 3:22 :  It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.