I knew that blogging would eventually bring me here. I didn’t know how long I would continue to avoid being here. For whatever reason unknown to me, for this particularly late nite, sleep has escaped me.. and Here I am. I have less than a paragraph, and already has proven to be quite difficult. Maybe I’ll just begin with the title of the blog. Easy enough. I’ll start with the moon. However, it is impossible for me to think that I am capable of completing anything where you are concerned, in one blog, one page, or one contained message, so I won’t try.
I am a firm believer that you have to be taught compassion. We are selfish by nature. I truly believe that you have to be taught to have empathy. Things we really know nothing about unless we can learn by example. You have to be taught the art of comforting, consoling and being a true shoulder to cry on. How many times do we really know the right thing to say? Seldom. It doesn’t keep us from trying. It never stopped my Momma. If she could say nothing else? I could always depend on her to say “Oh, I’m sorry, sweetie” or something to that effect. She always comforted. She always consoled. She always tried to fix it.
I instantly go back to the times that if “I’m sorry” didn’t really console me? She would automatically chime in and say, “You know I’d give you the moon and stars, if I could.” The thing about her, is that she meant every word. It was her way of letting me know that she hurt when I hurt, and it earnestly broke her heart knowing there was nothing she could do to fix things. I would continue to cry even harder realizing the depth of her words.
After Seven Years, I still drift. I have lost my anchor. I always feel like I am forgetting something. I’ve lost or left something. Then, I remember. She’s not here, the anchor holds to nothing. No living parents. I am an orphan.
Do I believe I will see her again? Absolutely, but until that day…I will always feel the void. I will continue to feel that I am missing something… forgetting something. I will be jealous of Mother’s Day…I will be annoyed when other’s take it lightly. I will feel like saying to them “There will come a day when there is “No More.” Nothing. Trust me, take no single moment for granted.
Some days are just harder than others. They have no warning. I have no clue why it is this way. I only know that I grasp onto every good thing I can remember on those days.
Having one of “those” days…. I was piddling in my jewelry box. Lost earrings that would never reappear, and a few necklaces that would never be untangled. Ever. And, there it was… pressed down into the bottom of the tray…my reminder of the promise from my Momma. Tangled around the sterling silver chain, a silver moon with a tiny star attached to the top. My moon and stars, she gave them to me many years ago… She sees them now, from a different view. She knows how totally wonderful they are. I haven’t forgotten her promise. Promise me the moon Momma, once again.. Promise me the Moon.
I place the necklace back into the tray ….it is fragile and almost broken from wear. This time, I smile. I am reminded of how she comforted, how she promised me the moon and stars…..and how anxious she must be to share them one day. After all, she must be… because Momma’s keep their promises…. even if it is the moon.