Time… It does not stop. Time continues to go on, regardless if our feet are moving or standing still. It revolves around us, forever turning…the grains of sand continue to pour out beneath our feet. I sometimes have the desire for it to stand still, other times for it to quickly move forward. Regardless of my wishes, one thing remains certain of this life? It goes on.
After the 2013 marathon of too many Twilight movies, I found myself wondering what it would be like to disappear, if only for a few days. I accomplished this feat for three entire days when I came down with the Flu. I made a mental note to be careful what I wished for. For three entire days, I could not have told you who had called, what the news headlines were, or even how high my own daughters’ fever was lying right beside of me. Fortunately, my husband looked after us, until he became sick on the third day.
The amazing thing with time, is the fact that we all want it to stand still when moments are great, we want it to last forever. On the other hand, when they are not so great? we want it to pass quickly, a type of relief that we can only hope is on the horizon.
This previous year, as a whole, was one of my toughest. Maybe yours was as well? I said goodbye to members of our family, I said goodbye to some parts of me as a person that I will never regain. Time didn’t wait for me to pull it together, it went on – some days without me. Time didn’t stand still on the good days like I had wanted. It surely didn’t speed by during the painful ones either. Just like the hourglass, the sands poured out relentlessly, hours and minutes of my days..that would eventually lead to the end of an entire year. Gone.
I made no resolutions. I never do this for the new year. I reflect. I mourn, and I process. This is the time that I turn inward. It is the time that I think of the hourglass, when the sand has run out, I mentally abuse myself with the things I should have done or shouldn’t have done, or the what if’s, or why I didn’t make better choices? and wondering all the while if it would have made any real difference. I wonder if any of the good parts really made a difference. Pondering until I bring myself to the bottom, I give myself permission to mentally flip the hourglass, moving forward to another year.
I also ask for more Grace than my previous year, if that is even possible. Time is precious but I also find it to be very intimidating. I feel the pressure to make my days count, to be more giving with my hours to those that need it the most, to be sparing to the things that unselfishly waste it. Time will move forward regardless of how I choose to spend it. May God grant me extra Grace on the days I “think” I want to disappear.
How will you spend your time? How will you make them count?
So teach us to number our days, That we may gain a heart of wisdom.Psalm 90:11-13